Two - for - one

I love a good sale. (LOVE a good sale.)

But reality says that if I don't need it, it doesn't matter how deep the discount it. (Right, honey?)

Like the ad I saw last week -

2 for 1!!
Just what Dad wants for Father's Day!!

What were they selling? Recliners. You know, the oversized chairs that lay back and (depending on your budget and your Dad) vibrate, play music, cool your canned drinks and drive you to the airport.

Does Dad really want TWO recliners? How would that work? One for each foot? And does everyone really have the floor space for TWO recliners for Dad?

I thought that was really the all-time silliest idea I'd seen spring from the current economy (not including any government "recovery" plans, of course) until I saw this:


This is an honest to goodness sign on a road out of my town.

Aren't cemeteries in a "sure thing" market? Like gasoline or groceries? "The only two things in life that are certain are death and taxes"? Somehow the idea of a cemetery site sale is oddly disturbing to me. And hysterically funny, too. Sort of like having the giggles at a funeral.

It's a great sale, though ... (what do you think, honey?)

Random observations to round out the week

More hairdressers than not wear their pants at least 1 1/2" too long. Is that advice they get at beauty school?

If a tree falls in the marshland and snaps a power pole, does anyone hear the sound as all the lights go out in the surrounding neighborhood?

It takes a downgrade of at least 6% for a Hyundai Accent to maintain highway speed on momentum alone.

Cinnamon buns are not about the bread dough.

Neither are sandwiches.

Imagination means that I can come up with 8 different reasons why that spinach is stuck in your teeth. 56 if it's in your hair.

The size of a thumbdrive is in inverse proportions to how much trouble you're in when you LOSE it because it's so dang small.

Do you suppose that the woman who drove her car into a river because her coffee needed sweetener will start drinking it black? Or will there just be a new warning printed on the cup lids?

Do boy ladybugs worry about their masculinity?

If an octopus was arm wrestling a different opponent on each tentacle, how many matches do you suppose it would be likely to win?

And is it a coincidence that the local Curves is two doors down from the Baskin Robbins?

"Mr. Bean" in tights

I studied Shakespeare in school and still some of my favorite movies are Shakespearean in origin. Add Rowan Atkinson and this is FUNNY!

Small occasional inappropriateness warning, though...

Viagra and Vicodin (or ... Harbingers of Spring)

Ahh, spring. It's been randomly sunny, windy and raining here at home and I never quite know how carefully I should be dressing for an period longer than 10 minutes outside my front door. But that's just typical of spring here - although this one seems to be running cooler and longer than the average spring. It makes the weather reports and random statistics about the weather much more interesting - right up there with baseball stats.

"It's the first time since 1945 that a left handed hitter sat on the bench for the entire game without chewing gum on a Tuesday when it rained for the first five innings."

Apparently it's also the season for spammers to crawl out of winter hibernation and get to work like little radioactive bees hitting every spot they can. One of my accounts after a period of relative quiet, overnight got 115 messages filtered through to the spam folder. And the astonishing thing to me is - THEY WERE ALL SPAM. Not one innocently diverted message in the lot.

During my quick if conscious-driven perusal, I noticed that they were pretty equally weighted between Viagra and Vicodin taking up about 80% of the list.

Then came the daughter/son of Mr./Mrs. Johann/Meulich/Akibobo from Cote D'Ivoire/West Africa/New Guinea with a request for god-bless-you assistance to get funds out of the country, followed by offers to enlarge a body part I don't have for the pleasure of people I don't know. (Ick!)

One was marked (and this is roughly translated) "I've got stuff for you to buy! Whatever you think I can sell you!" I suppose that person deserves some credit for getting to the point.

So I've emptied the trash in the spam filter and I'm going out to my garden. Because that's really the type of dirt I prefer to be looking at this spring. And it's going to look real good today.

Provided it doesn't rain.

Ask a silly question

One of my monkeys came home from school today and the conversation went something like this:

Me: How was school today?

Monkey: Good.

Me: Did you do anything exciting?

Monkey: No, not really.

Me: Okay, well, remember to get your chores done right away and don't forget to make your lunch, k? (small reference to yesterday there - it's a habit.)

Monkey: I will.

(small pause while monkey wanders off and sits on the coffee table staring out the back window. I suspect a candy is being hidden from me.)

Monkey: By the way, when did the cherry tree fall down?

Me: What?

Monkey: The tree fell down.

Me: Where?

Monkey: In the front.

Me: What?

Monkey: The tree fell down.

Me: What? (There is simply no light dawning yet ...)

Monkey: The tree. It fell down.

Me: What?! (Ah, there it comes ...)

Monkey: It did! The cherry tree fell down.

Me: What?!?!?!?!!! (Slowly, though...)

Monkey: Go look! It fell down!

Me: What??!??!?!?!!!

Monkey: Mom! ...

Various voices from various parts of the house chime in at this point "What's going on?" "What's happening?" etc, etc.

Me: What!!??!??!!?

SG: What's going on?

Me: (gave up the witty banter and ran for the door, then the window, then another window, then outside. And to my utter surprise ...)

Cookies for the simple minded ...

or the rushed ... or the inept ...

Marriage tips from Johnny & Chachi

This guy's (Chachi's) teeth make me laugh so hard!!