Produce shopping

Sometimes the oddest places trigger an impulse that wouldn't ever happen in a different setting. Mine happened last time in the grocery store.

I was in the produce section looking at grapefruit. Not in a particular rush and just browsing for some winter variety. Somehow I found them to be very unsatisfactory grapefruit. Why? I mean I couldn't see inside them. I don't shop at one of those grocery stores that obligingly splits a sample of the fruit and then cello wraps it for your viewing pleasure. The peels has some of that rosy blush that indicates they have at least a chance of being ripe. It's not a bad time of year to be buying grapefruit. Why was I not satisfied?

Here's what I figured out - they all seemed to light to contain anything but styrofoam. And in one of those roundabout conversations that sometimes happen in my head, I imagined trying to describe my technique for buying grapefruit.

"It has to have HEFT, son," I explain to the phantom child that is learning the wisdom of life and grapefruit purchasing. "It should feel heavy for its size, like the juice is just packed in there bursting with its own special kind of tart ambrosia. "

"Really?"

"Yes, son. You should toss it in your hand a couple of times to listen for the solid smack as it lands in your palm...It should tempt you to hurl it at the shopper three aisles over to see how well it splatters on contact."

!?!?!

Time to go back to the bananas. The dropped banana peel is a much less confrontational way to cripple your fellow man.

And I think I need to stop reading Douglas Adams for a bit.